What to Expect in Your First Mediation

Preparation

Before the mediation

Good preparation makes a significant difference to mediation outcomes. Here is what usually happens in the lead-up.

Agreeing to mediate

Mediation is voluntary. Both parties need to agree to participate. This might happen through direct negotiation, through lawyers, or because a court has encouraged or ordered it.

Choosing a mediator

The parties jointly select a mediator. Often lawyers suggest names based on the nature of the dispute. The mediator must be acceptable to both parties.

Position papers

Each party usually prepares a written summary of their position. This helps the mediator understand the issues and lets both parties see where the other side is coming from.

Document exchange

Relevant documents are usually exchanged before mediation. Contracts, correspondence, financial statements - whatever helps the parties understand the dispute. Surprises at mediation are rarely helpful.

Pre-mediation calls

The mediator may contact each party separately before the mediation. These calls help the mediator understand what is really at stake and identify possible areas of agreement.

Your preparation

Come prepared with settlement authority, a clear sense of your priorities, and an understanding of what you can and cannot accept.

Preparation Checklist

Know your priorities (what matters most, what you can flex on)

Understand your best alternative if mediation fails

Prepare your opening statement if you will be presenting

Gather any documents you might need to reference

Think about what the other party really wants

Consider creative options that might work for both sides

Make sure you have authority to settle on the day

Plan for a long day (bring snacks, arrange childcare)

The Process

The mediation day

Mediations usually last a full day, sometimes extending into evening. Complex matters may require two days. Here is what happens.

1

Arrival and setup

You will arrive at a neutral venue. Each party usually has their own room (called a "breakout room" or "caucus room") plus a shared room for joint sessions. The mediator welcomes everyone and explains the process.

2

Opening session

The mediation usually begins with everyone together. The mediator explains ground rules: confidentiality, respect, the process ahead. Each party then gets to present their perspective without interruption. This is often the first time they have really been heard.

3

Private sessions (caucuses)

After opening statements, the mediator usually meets with each party separately. These private sessions are where much of the real work happens. You can speak freely, knowing the mediator will not share anything without your permission.

The mediator might:

- Explore your underlying interests (what you really need)
- Reality-check your expectations
- Test potential proposals before taking them to the other side
- Help you think through options you had not considered

4

Shuttle diplomacy

The mediator moves between the parties, carrying proposals, testing reactions, and building toward agreement. Some mediations have additional joint sessions; others stay in caucus mode. The mediator adapts to what is working.

5

Reaching agreement

If the parties reach agreement, it is documented right there at the mediation. A settlement agreement is drafted, reviewed, and signed. This becomes a binding contract. The dispute is over.

Your role at mediation

Understanding your role helps you engage effectively.

Be present and engaged

Mediation is not something that happens to you. You are an active participant. Listen carefully, ask questions, and stay engaged with the process.

Come with authority

If you cannot make decisions without getting approval from someone else, they need to be available by phone at minimum. Ideally, decision-makers are in the room.

Be open to options

The best outcomes often involve solutions neither party had thought of beforehand. Stay flexible about how your needs might be met.

Focus on interests, not positions

Your position is what you are asking for. Your interests are why you are asking for it. Understanding your real interests creates more room for resolution.

Stay calm and respectful

Emotions are natural, but try to express them constructively. The mediator will help manage tensions, but your approach matters.

Trust the process

It may feel slow or frustrating at times. Skilled mediators know how to build momentum. Give the process time to work.

The mediator's role

The mediator is a neutral facilitator. They do not decide who is right. They do not impose solutions.

The mediator's job is to help you reach your own solution, not to tell you what to do.

Instead, they:

Create a safe environment for difficult conversations
Help parties communicate and understand each other
Identify common ground and shared interests
Generate and test options for resolution
Reality-check proposals and expectations
Manage the process and keep things moving
Document any agreement reached

After mediation

If agreement is reached

You will have a signed settlement agreement. This is legally binding. Follow-up actions (payments, document signings, other steps) should have clear timelines. Your lawyer can help ensure everything is properly implemented.

If no agreement

Not every mediation succeeds. If you do not reach agreement, the dispute continues. But nothing discussed in mediation can be used against you. The "without prejudice" rule protects everything said.

Often, even an unsuccessful mediation helps. Issues get narrowed. Positions become clearer. Many disputes settle shortly after mediation as parties reflect on what they learned.

Key Takeaways

Preparation matters: know your interests, not just your position
Come with authority to make decisions
The opening session lets each party be heard without interruption
Private caucuses are where much of the real work happens
The mediator is neutral and does not decide who is right
A signed settlement agreement is legally binding

Your first mediation.